At what age do you become the ‘older’ woman at the club? You know the one I’m talking about. She’s the one who dances, drinks and gets her party on and the dj hasn’t even set up yet. She would rather organize or attend an intimate gathering among friends instead of shaking what her mama gave her. She’s the one who thinks the music is too damn loud and it all sounds the same. She knows what time she’s leaving BEFORE getting to the club.

Okay, I admit I’m talking about me. Lol Hey if you can’t make fun of yourself who can you make fun of. I haven’t been to a club in two years. I was never a fan of clubs to begin with. I’m cheap. I didn’t want to give someone $10 to $20 to dance in their space and pay $6 or more for a drink. I can buy a six pack, open itunes, call some friends over and not have to worry about cab fare at 4am. Cmon now? Can I get an amen from SOMEBODY?!

I’m not saying I won’t go to a club ever again in life I just never liked them. And now that I’m older I don’t have to pretend I like them. I’ve always found there are specific types of women at clubs.

The Drunk—She is drinking as much as she can as fast as she can. She will be stumbling around or passed out in a corner by 10:30pm.

The Unhappy Couple—You know who they are. They are arguing from the moment they check their coats until they start angrily talking on the dance floor. I find it hilarious that they are still dancing and keeping the beat while fighting.

The Happy Couple—This is the couple that needs a room. You can’t tell where her tongue begins and her partners throat ends. GET A ROOM!!

Macaroni Toni and Nem—This is a posse that rolls five deep or more. They are close friends who act silly, try to pick up girls but are not serious about it and just want to have fun. Actually I don’t mind Macaroni Toni’s crew since they are always fun to watch.

I’m New At This—This is the girl who just came out and it’s her first time at a lesbian club. She’s real shy at first but the more she drinks the more clothes come off. Protect the stripper pole that’s all I’m saying.

The Bruiser—She came to the club to have fun but everyone is ruining it for her so she just wants to fight. There’s too much/too little ice in her drink, she doesn’t agree with the mandatory coat check, some chick keeps bumping into her on the dance floor and she’s not having any luck with the ladies. She’s itching to fight.

Easy Breezy—This is the girl everyone talks about. Everyone knows somebody who’s been with her. She is the town bike—everyone has taken a ride.

Too Cool To Sweat—She is hugging the wall, drink in hand, looking proper but just chair dances or side steps to the music. When her song comes on she’s the one who will yell, “That’s my shit!” Just when you think she will finally venture onto the dance floor... back to the side step.

And finally the Dance Machine—She’s sweating, she’s singing along, she’s burning a hole in the floor and she is the epitome of a good time at a club.

Who knows, maybe I will surprise myself and go to a club soon. And since I haven't been in so long I'm not sure which of these personalities I'll be when I get there. lol

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Comment by Tamie Myers on December 5, 2012 at 11:04pm

I am soo not gonna lie,i am 34 and damn i feel old in the club. I hate to say it but me and hubs are the crazy couple in the club that needs to get a room...and i am also the dance machine, i mean i have not been out in a while, i have to get my money's worth lol. I am also the too cool to sweat if they play the same ole Jamaican songs i never listened to while growing up in Jamaica lol

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